Non-Toxic Masculinity: Recovering Healthy Male Sexuality by Zachary Wagner

Non-toxic Masculinity: Recovering Healthy male sexuality cover imageSummary: Can men have a non-toxic masculinity, and what would that look like?

Non-Toxic Masculinity is a book that I decided not to read initially. And then Josh Butler’s book and TGC article came out. And Patrick Miller stonewalled Sheila Wray Gregoire and then eventually apologized. So many other things happened recently that are mainly about toxic masculinity that I decided to accept a review copy.

Up front, I am not the target audience here. I am 50 and have spent nearly 15 years as a stay-at-home uncle and then dad. I have not once earned more than my wife. I am firmly in favor of women’s ordination. My senior sociology project in the mid-90s was about the acceptance of rape myths among students at evangelical colleges. I have long thought that many men are toxic. I read Everyman’s Battle on a friend’s recommendation and immediately threw it away as trash precisely because it treated women as the problem instead of rightly paying attention to evangelical sin avoidance as the problem. I favor men working toward being less toxic, but I am highly suspect of any gendered approach to discipleship for men.

I was too old for the main purity culture teaching; I had been married for several years when I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out. The term dodging a bullet is probably too weak of a statement when I have talked to people about the harm of purity culture. In my mid-20s, despite being a fairly outspoken egalitarian, a seminary professor and a friend separately challenged me because they thought I was adopting a kinder, gentler form of sexism. I can remember talking about the problems of porn (and this was long before smartphones) and suggesting that part of breaking the power of porn was to firmly establish that women in those videos should be treated as “mother, sister, daughter.” My friend challenged me to think about how that framing still established women in relation to men and not as a child of God or imago dei. My professor challenged me to think about how I was thinking of marriage as a means of equipping me for others things. I argued with both of them but eventually came to realize that they were right.

It wasn’t good enough to be a kinder, gentler sexist that categorizes women by their relationship to other men (by default, still maintaining a gender hierarchy). And it was not good enough to think of marriage as a means of maturity building. I do not live up to my ideals, but from that point, I have attempted to live as if all hierarchy violates God’s good creation, whether it be gender, race, class, or other types of hierarchy.

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On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder

on Tyranny cover imageSummary: A long lecture or short book on ways to prevent tyranny based on 20th-century history.

I have looked at but not read On Tyranny several times. It came out about six years ago. But I decided to pick it up after a tweet from Samuel Perry about regularly rereading it and teaching it. I looked it up again and saw the audiobook was on sale for $3 and was less than 2 hours. (It is $4.50 as I am writing this.)

This formatted too quickly read. Each chapter is only a few pages; the longest chapter is nine pages. While most sermons or commencement addresses won’t have 20 points, it is that type of approach. These are short pieces of advice with brief historical references. Chapter one is Do Not Obey in Advance. That may seem like it doesn’t need to be said, but if we look at history, there are many examples of trying to appease by preemptively doing what you think they would like done. Appeasement may work in some cases, but not in cases of tyranny. In cases of tyranny, it just cements power.

Many of the pieces of advice are about understanding truth or learning. These are always helpful whether we are talking about tyranny or not. Other is more specific like Make Eye Contact and Small Talk. This is primarily a “know your neighbors” idea.

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Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Mona Delahooke

Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Mona Delahooke cover imageSummary: A clinical psychologist discussed how our bodies and brains relate to one another (in an integrated way) and how that applies to helping children develop and mature.

I have sat with Brain-Body Parenting for over a week, trying to put my thoughts into words. My short review is that it is one of the best books I have read on parenting, and it is written with a tone of grace and encouragement. The chapter on self-care as a parent is excellent, and the ideas should be in most parenting books. And the broader message of the book that parenting is in large part helping children learn to regulate their emotions and responses, not to repress emotions or feelings but to express them well and appropriately is a great message. And naturally, if we as adults are going to help children regulate themselves, we need to work to address our own dysregulation. This is the central message of Raising White Kids and many other parenting or spiritual formation books.

All of that is good, but I still had a reaction to the book that was not entirely positive. I remember reading The Whole-Brain Child nearly a decade ago and being overwhelmed with how much work it felt like it was always to be taking into account everything all the time. NYT’s article titled Welcome to the Era of Very Earnest Parenting a few days ago captures a part of my concern. The article takes seriously how seriously many Millennials are taking parenting. They want to get it right, in part because they think that their parents did not get it right. They felt misunderstood and wanted to understand their children.

But I am not a millennial. I am solidly Gen-X, even if my kids are still young. And I am concerned about the era of very earnest parenting, even if I support both the goals and the methods. There is nothing in Brain-Body parenting that I significantly object to. Taking children’s developmental stages into account is essential. Helping them to name and regulate their emotions is important. Helping children process emotions properly to internalize change is better than fear-based punishment. All of that I want to support.

But as much as I am supportive and want to incorporate all of these things into my parenting and my dealing with others (children or adults), there is still a nagging sense that we have fallen into a technocratic ditch. Jacques Ellul raised concern about how modern society relies on technique or technology to solve problems. The goal of problems being solved is good. But the use of technique and technology to solve every problem and become ever more efficient and autonomous can make us less human. Ellul was concerned that instead of humans using tools to adapt the world around us to humanity, the tools would instead shape us to their ends. There is some anthropomorphizing there, but we can see it happening if we look at our smartphones. We are literally changing our bodies in response to our desire to use them as a tool.

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Separate: The Story of Plessy v. Ferguson, and America’s Journey from Slavery to Segregation by Steve Luxenberg

separate cover imageSummary: A contextual and narrative history of the Plessey V Ferguson Supreme Court Ruling.

Part of what I appreciate about the framing of Separate is that Luxenberg takes great pains to point out segregation’s national history, not just its Southern history. It is undoubtedly true that Plessy was arrested in Louisiana, and the movement in the 1880s and 90s for southern segregation was a response to the political realities and white supremacy of the post-reconstruction era. But segregated rail cars were first established in the 1840s in Massachusetts. Frederick Douglas, Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Robert Small, and many other abolitions were removed (often forcefully and with significant harm) either from the train or to segregated cars. There is a good discussion of this history in the biographies linked above, but also a good part of Until Justice Be Done, about the movement for civil rights before the Civil War, is about the role of civil rights in transportation. Before the mid-20th century, virtually everyone that traveled used some paid transportation. Individual vehicles or even private horses or carriages were incapable of long-distance travel either because of cost or effort.

Like Heart of Atlanta: Five Black Pastors and the Supreme Court Victory for Integration by Ronnie Greene, also a book on a civil rights Supreme Court case written by a journalist, most of the book is about the context and facts of the case, not the legal decision. In fact, the discussion of the actual case and ruling doesn’t happen until the final section, about 90 percent of the way through the book. This feature is both the best and worst part of the book. The extensive context is framed primarily around the biographies of Justice John Harlan (who wrote the dissent), Albion Tourgee, lead counsel for Plessy, and Henry Billings Brown, the author of the majority opinion. There were also biographical portions for Louis Martinet (who conceived of the suit as a test case) and Homer Plessy (the man who was arrested as part of the test case). And, of course, the history of segregated transportation and the New Orleans Creole community, which drove the case.

At the end of the book, I appreciate why Steve Luxenberg gave us all of the context, but the moving back and forth between the three main characters was sometimes confusing. (This is probably because I mostly listened to this on audiobook). And I very much appreciate the reality that Luxenberg points out that what killed reconstruction, the Civil Rights Act of 1875, and caused the result of Plessy was the actions of moderate Republicans as much as pro-segregationist southern Democrats. John Marshall Harlan’s dissent in the Civil Rights Act of 1875 case was a preview of Plessy and is discussed in light of that. But in both cases, the only dissenter was Harlan, who was also the only Southerner on the court at the time.

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The Queen of Ebenezer by KB Hoyle

Summary: Beatrice tries to understand this kingdom that she has awoken to. 

I am a fan of KB Hoyle’s work. I have read everything she has written (at least the book-length work). I read or re-read eight of her books last year. I trust her to write books that I am going to enjoy.

Almost two months ago, she announced a surprise book. Around two years ago, she cofounded a small publishing house to focus on middle-grade books. I guess being a publisher and an author, you can quietly release a book without any advance notice if you want to. Because it was a surprise and I have been busy, it has taken me almost two months to read it.

I don’t know how to write about The Queen of Ebenezer. In the description, The Queen of Ebenezer is compared to Piranesi, which is an accurate comparison. In both books, the main character does not know what is going on, so the reader is also lost because they rely on the main character’s perspective. I have no issues with that style of book, but it makes it hard to write about because this is a book that spoilers will spoil.

There are two subtle things I want to note that are precisely what I like about Hoyle’s writing. Plots are always well done with Hoyle; they are tight, there is always movement, and the plots are going somewhere. A good middle-grade or YA book must go somewhere to keep the reader engaged. The title uses a somewhat obscure word Ebenezer to name the land where Beatrice finds herself. Ebenezer is derived from Hebrew, and it is probably unknown among modern readers that are not Jewish or Christian. An Ebenezer is a mark of memory, especially a mark of divine help that you want to remember. In a book where the main character starts without a memory, the land of Ebenezer is a clue.

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Prince Caspian by CS Lewis (Narnia)

Summary: A return to Narnia by the original four children, for them a year later.

After I read My Side of the Mountain and thought it wasn’t quite right as a read-aloud for my kids, I picked up Prince Caspian. I have previously read The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, and we started, but they got bored with, The Horse and His Boy.

Prince Caspian has never been my favorite of the series, and it has been a long time since I have read it. The four Pevensie children were on their way back to their boarding schools roughly a year after their original trip to Narnia, and they were “called” back to Narnia. They discover eventually that it has been hundreds, if not thousands of years since their glorious reign. The country is not governed by a caretaker King who is part of a line that invaded Narnia and killed off many talking animals and magical creatures and who have largely lost the memory of the golden age.

Caspian is the rightful king in the line of the invaders. But his uncle is trying to take over. We discover that Caspian’s father was killed by his uncle, and now that his uncle has had his own child, he plans to kill Caspian as well. But Caspian’s tutor helps him escape. Their private tutoring sessions about the real history of Narnia have prepared Caspian to seek out the magical creatures. And together, they attempt to rebel against Caspian’s uncle and recreate the type of kingdom that it was before. Much of the understanding of magic has gone. And Aslan has been largely forgotten, even by the Dwarfs and magical creatures.

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My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George

My side of the mountain cover imageSummary: A young teen decides to escape his overcrowded NYC apartment and move to some family land in the Catskill Mountains. 

My children have not yet adopted my love of reading. I have started reading to them as we drive and am trying to find books I think they may enjoy. We are currently reading Anne of Green Gables, which they enjoy, but it has such long passages of flowery descriptive language. I picked up My Side of the Mountain recently when it was on sale and decided to read it to refresh my memory. I read it as a pre-teen, but I don’t think I read it more than once or twice and not more recently than 35 years ago.

My Side of the Mountain follows Sam Gribley and his attempt to live on his own in the wilderness of the Catskills Mountains. He is living on abandoned family land, but it is remote. It is a long walk to the closest small town. The fantasy of running away is a common one for kids. I wondered what my children would think about a teen running away and his parents not seeking after him, at least not for months.

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We Will Be Free: The Life and Faith of Sojourner Truth by Nancy Koester

We Will Be Free: The Life and Faith of Sojourner Truth cover imageSummary: A good biography about a woman that many recognize but don’t know much about.

For the past several years, I have joined the Renovare Book Club. The current book they are reading is The Narrative of Sojourner Truth. I was broadly aware of Sojourner Truth. I knew she was born enslaved, and at some point, she left slavery and sued for the freedom of a child. She won that case, one of the earliest examples of a formerly enslaved person winning a court case against a white person. I also was aware of her work as an abolitionist and feminist speaker and her most famous speech, “Ain’t I a Woman.” But besides the very broad strokes, I was unfamiliar with her story. Because I knew her book was coming up, I picked up this recent addition to the Library of Religious Biography series to get some background.

Nancy Koester is a Christian history professor specializing in the 19th century, especially in how women participated in reform movements as a way of social uplift and ministry. Koester also has another volume in the Library of Religious Biography series on Harriet Beecher Stowe, which I have not read but put on my to-read list.

As I said yesterday in my review of Gateway to Freedom by Eric Foner about the Underground Railroad, several books I have read this year have overlapped in theme and content. Sojourner Truth was a character that was present in many 19th-century events. She was an abolitionist speaker who shared a stage with Garrison and Frederick Douglass. She was a part of early women’s suffrage movements like the Akron Ohio Women’s Convention in 1851, where she gave the Ain’t I a Woman speech. She was involved in various Christian reform and utopian movements, including the Prophet Mathias, the Millerite Adventist camp meetings, the interracial commune-like Northampton Association of Education and Industry, and the later utopian communities around Battle Creek, Michigan.

Part of what struck me about her association with these utopian and perfectionist movements was that only these fringe movements would allow her to speak as a woman. She believed that soon after she originally left slavery with her infant daughter, she had a vision from Jesus that called her to preach. Her initial preaching was more spiritually oriented calls to repentance. But over time, justice and reform became a large part of her message, although she always understood her work as a type of ministry.

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